After last night, I could never be a politician.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
