i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
