Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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