i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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