you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
