It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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