Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm sobbing to NWA
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
