We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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