There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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