After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
