You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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