I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
