I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
