i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
