well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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