THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
