Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
