my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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