Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
