DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
