Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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