Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize