i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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