I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
