Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just want nice things and good sex
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
