im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We need to get me chipped asap
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
