so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
