I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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