Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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