I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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