It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
