Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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