Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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