I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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