I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i think my cat just said my name.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
