You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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