literally had 100 drinks last night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
