Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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