It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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