Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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