My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
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you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
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The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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