I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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