I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
