Ketchup is God's man juice
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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