They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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