Jerry, you need to find god
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
