I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
