I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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