I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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