my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
