shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
