Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
