my vag is so smooth its legendary
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
