remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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