So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
