I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
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You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
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So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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