I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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