I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
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His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
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The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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