I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
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He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
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Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize