is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
